10 March 2016
Days here are like literally raining every day. I was hoping for something better today. Class starts late today. Today is much more depressing than the other days. I felt like crying, laughing and you know that mix feeling combo happening at once. It is called depress. I have too much task and things to do. I felt like dying. I felt like to kill someone. Talking to mum really can make you calm but it just for temporary. Going to class, meeting and researching it just not going to end my days like that. Big event that I need to organize, data collecting for my final year projects need to be collect, programmes need to be completed by this semester, searching for internship sure does takes time, assignment were like that mountain I always see whenever I open my window it so high that I can’t barely reach to the top. You think this is all? No. This is just a beginning of my last semester here. The ending toward the beginning of everything. I felt I want to quit for not a good reason. Should I start a business? Should I go search a job? Make a living? Living without debt? Just thinking about this makes its more depress. I am just a girl. A girl that have so much responsibility. My shoulder is really heavy. So does my eyes. I hope it won’t close forever.
It still rains. I see at the hut over there. I felt myself unsecure. But that moment when I see you. I see you. I felt like my shoulders are no longer heavy. It felt so light until my eyes starts to rain itself. I don’t remember who are you but my heart tells me that you know me better than I know myself. Who are you by telling myself? You smile at me while the rain pours on top of me. Your smiles. I remember that. I can’t see your face clearly. But I know that jacket. That black jacket. Your short spiky hair. And I bet you getting taller than before. You put your hands up and I ran toward you. Reaching at the hut, I can see you clearly. I said ‘Im sorry Im so cold’. You gave me your black jacket and said. ‘Don’t worry, I am here.” I cry. I cry. I cry because I am so depress thinking about all my problems that I have but what makes me cry even more is because I can’t remember who you are. Why I can’t remember that. “Don’t worry Ain. I am here. I always am here.” While he puts the black jacket at my cold freeze body, I look at his eyes. So black like the colour of his jacket. His nose is pointy; he has this face of charm on his way. His age is probably 3 years older than me. He has this soft dark like a Latin colour of skin. Again he said ‘Don’t you worry”. I feel like crying again. ‘But why?” I tell him. Then he just smiles. That smile makes me stop crying. That smile makes me freeze. My mind flashing back.
Days here are like literally raining every day. I was hoping for something better today. Class starts late today. Today is much more depressing than the other days. I felt like crying, laughing and you know that mix feeling combo happening at once. It is called depress. I have too much task and things to do. I felt like dying. I felt like to kill someone. Talking to mum really can make you calm but it just for temporary. Going to class, meeting and researching it just not going to end my days like that. Big event that I need to organize, data collecting for my final year projects need to be collect, programmes need to be completed by this semester, searching for internship sure does takes time, assignment were like that mountain I always see whenever I open my window it so high that I can’t barely reach to the top. You think this is all? No. This is just a beginning of my last semester here. The ending toward the beginning of everything. I felt I want to quit for not a good reason. Should I start a business? Should I go search a job? Make a living? Living without debt? Just thinking about this makes its more depress. I am just a girl. A girl that have so much responsibility. My shoulder is really heavy. So does my eyes. I hope it won’t close forever.
It still rains. I see at the hut over there. I felt myself unsecure. But that moment when I see you. I see you. I felt like my shoulders are no longer heavy. It felt so light until my eyes starts to rain itself. I don’t remember who are you but my heart tells me that you know me better than I know myself. Who are you by telling myself? You smile at me while the rain pours on top of me. Your smiles. I remember that. I can’t see your face clearly. But I know that jacket. That black jacket. Your short spiky hair. And I bet you getting taller than before. You put your hands up and I ran toward you. Reaching at the hut, I can see you clearly. I said ‘Im sorry Im so cold’. You gave me your black jacket and said. ‘Don’t worry, I am here.” I cry. I cry. I cry because I am so depress thinking about all my problems that I have but what makes me cry even more is because I can’t remember who you are. Why I can’t remember that. “Don’t worry Ain. I am here. I always am here.” While he puts the black jacket at my cold freeze body, I look at his eyes. So black like the colour of his jacket. His nose is pointy; he has this face of charm on his way. His age is probably 3 years older than me. He has this soft dark like a Latin colour of skin. Again he said ‘Don’t you worry”. I feel like crying again. ‘But why?” I tell him. Then he just smiles. That smile makes me stop crying. That smile makes me freeze. My mind flashing back.
The memory lane came just like a click of fingers. His face keeps popping inside my head. I try to make connection with his face. My head hurts. I can’t remember. Suddenly, a rusty yellow bus came toward the hut. ‘Ain, is not your time yet. Go inside the bus. Go. It is warmer there.” My eyes blinks thousands time. Wait what is this? He took his black jacket and pushes me toward the bus. He just smiles but now a different smile. A smile that he just forces to do it. Coming toward the bus. I sit and look through the window. Outside, he smile, I open the window and the bus is moving. I am scared once again. I cried. He shout ‘Don’t you worry. Everything is going to be okay. Just remember me. Remember me. Remember my black jacket.” I cry I cry. The bus is moving forward and I look back to see him. His smiles are no longer being seen. I can see he wipes his eyes while swinging his hand towards me. Now, the bus is going far, so far I can’t no longer see him clearly and the hut is disappearing slowing. I shut my eyes because I can no longer stand the pain. My eyes keep pouring its water. I shut really tight. I cried loud out.
11 March 2016
I open my eye. I open my eyes. Where am I? The pillow that I lend my head is wet because of the crying. I sigh. I sign for a long time. I sit at my bed. I stare at the wall. Who is he? I have seen him before. But, where? I nod my head. Where ever he is now, I am in the reality. I am me. Whoever was him, I will remember him. I will remember his black jacket. He always there whenever I am in depresses. He knows me well than anyone here. His black jacket makes me comfort even it last for a moment. I hope I won’t forget him. Now, I need to finish what I have started. I need to be strong and positive.
………… Now I am smiling. Knowing that I already remember who you are. Thanks for the Black Jacket you comforting me by. I am so grateful and happy knowing that you still keep the present I gave you….. I will be no longer worry……….
The Black Jacket Ends
11 March 2016
I open my eye. I open my eyes. Where am I? The pillow that I lend my head is wet because of the crying. I sigh. I sign for a long time. I sit at my bed. I stare at the wall. Who is he? I have seen him before. But, where? I nod my head. Where ever he is now, I am in the reality. I am me. Whoever was him, I will remember him. I will remember his black jacket. He always there whenever I am in depresses. He knows me well than anyone here. His black jacket makes me comfort even it last for a moment. I hope I won’t forget him. Now, I need to finish what I have started. I need to be strong and positive.
………… Now I am smiling. Knowing that I already remember who you are. Thanks for the Black Jacket you comforting me by. I am so grateful and happy knowing that you still keep the present I gave you….. I will be no longer worry……….
The Black Jacket Ends
….. Give me back my fantasy,
The courage that I need to live,
The air that I breathe
Living without you, my world’s become so empty.
The days are so cold and lonely
And each night I taste the purest of pain.
I wish I could tell you I’m feeling better everyday
That it didn’t hurt when you walk away,
But to the you the truth I can’t find my way.
And deep inside me, I feel like I’m dying
I have to see you, it’s all that I’m asking …– Purest of Pain
- The song actually 90% resemble the story -
The courage that I need to live,
The air that I breathe
Living without you, my world’s become so empty.
The days are so cold and lonely
And each night I taste the purest of pain.
I wish I could tell you I’m feeling better everyday
That it didn’t hurt when you walk away,
But to the you the truth I can’t find my way.
And deep inside me, I feel like I’m dying
I have to see you, it’s all that I’m asking …– Purest of Pain
- The song actually 90% resemble the story -